Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Randomize
