I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
