i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
