This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
