Your mouth is God's brothel.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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