Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
