i already hear my dad disowning me
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
