today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
