He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
