i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
