tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
