billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
