I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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