i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize