It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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