Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
