i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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