She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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