they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
