i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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