whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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