Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
