Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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