I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize