you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
