Joe is yelling at the trees again.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
