I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
