My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
