it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
