Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
