my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize