Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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