Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
