and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
