I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
