i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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