was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
