I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Panties = found
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
