Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Randomize
