my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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