The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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