whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
