There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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