Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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