Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
