Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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