Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
