Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Randomize
