My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
