And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize