My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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