Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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