listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
