he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
