Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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