I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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