why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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