just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize