i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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