I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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