Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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