More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
