I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize