But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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