Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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