please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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