Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize