Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
