His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
