my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
