Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
