I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
