We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
