My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
