2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
