Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize