We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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