I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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