Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
